7/31/2023 0 Comments Sleepytime bearBut what does this have to do with conspiracies and cults? Well, it all begins with the concept of sleep-a topic the company is far more familiar with than many others of its kind. Undoubtedly, the beliefs of The Urantia Book bled into the company, as Celestial Seasonings’ name can be speculated as being inspired by early practitioners’ celestial contacts. In fact, it alludes to practices that resemble contact with unearthly life-forms or sources, stating that they are “celestial” beings. Perhaps the most unique aspect of the text is its use of science in supporting its claims. First appearing in Chicago during an unspecified year, The Urantia Book details philosophical, spiritual, and religious beliefs that delve into life’s true meaning. Its origins reside anywhere between 19, while its author remains anonymous to this day-though there is some speculation. But is there truly a Sleepytime tea cult?įounders Mo Siegel and John Hay were followers of a new-age biblical text titled The Urantia Book. While the founders of Celestial Seasonings have not been tied to cult activity, the spiritual and religious practices often associated with them have. Yet, their reported mysterious and spiritual beginnings, as well as the conspiracies that accompany them, transforms their bear mascot from a sleepy, trustworthy character into a hibernating beast with a hidden agenda. There’s something rather calming about knowing that a company has devoted itself to consumer comfort. In short, Celestial Seasonings has perfected the nighttime tea regimen for drinkers of all types. Sick? Sleepytime Sinus Soother, Sleepytime Throat Tamer, and Sleepytime Echinacea Immune Boost are to the rescue! But what if you have a single-serve coffee maker rather than a kettle? Don’t worry, Sleepytime Tea now comes in pod options. If fruit flavors excite your taste buds, then Sleepytime Peach is the way to go. Their collection of herbal and fruit beverages continues to expand, as does their popular Sleepytime Tea line. Unbeknownst to you, there are dark conspiracies and potential cult connections behind the company that makes some of the most iconic and popular teas on the market.Īs of this writing, Celestial Seasonings is known for being the largest manufacturer of teas across America, having sold over a billion individual cups of tea each year. It's the perfect night for a soothing cup of Sleepytime Tea. A familiar bear in pajamas comes to mind-none other than the Celestial Seasonings mascot. Your kettle is heating on the stove while you wade through your thoughts on what tea to steep in order to relax from the responsibilities of the day. I’d fuck him repeatedly, and there’s nothing you can do about it.It’s a calm moonlit night. The calming essence of Celestial Seasonings Sleepytime Tea® rocks me gently to sleep, and that’s exactly why I want the bear to gently rock my back walls. I’ve heard the dick is Uncommonly Good®, but I’m not into that experimental shit. Why not a Keebler® elf? I’m totally in support of the short kings of the world, but he seems a little too full of himself. And he sings songs about wiping his ass, no thank you. I know what you’re thinking, why the Celestial Seasonings Sleepytime Tea® bear? Why not the Charmin Ultra Soft bear? And to that I’d say, do I look like a fucking homewrecker to you? He has a wife and kids, asshole. That light blue nightgown and red sleep cap lights a fire in your soul. You used to think men were trash, but you realize that the Celestial Seasonings Sleepytime Tea® bear would never treat you the way that Brad from Sigma Apple Pie did. “Hey, babe.” He lights a fire, puts some smooth jazz on, and tosses your coat into the washing machine without mentioning the bird shit. When you finally reach your apartment, he’s there, waiting for you. Jeremy from HR’s emotional support parakeet Sheryl Crow pooped on your shoulder right as you were about to leave, and you had to sit through the entire train ride home with bird shit on your shoulder. Picture this: You’ve just gotten home from a terrible day at the office. There’s just something about the beautiful blend of delicate chamomile, cool spearmint, and fresh lemongrass that makes me horny as hell. But when I’m finally in bed, all I can think about is getting dicked down by the pajama-wearing bear on the box. When I’m stressed out and feeling on edge, I reach for Celestial Seasonings Sleepytime Tea® to help me get to bed. Given the chance, I would make him feel seen and heard. However, over the years, I couldn’t help but notice that someone has gone underappreciated, undervalued: the Celestial Seasonings Sleepytime Tea® bear. I think we can agree that after a long day, nothing beats the calming, relaxing taste of Celestial Seasonings Sleepytime Tea®.
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